There's something to be said about a kid that is always smiling. You look at one of them and think they are happy, fulfilled, confident, and fun. But what if the smile is a mask that is hiding something? What if deep down, there's something bothering them and they haven't told anyone? What if behind that beautiful smile, there's pain?
As a parent, wouldn't this be one of your fears? But then again, as a parent of a child that always smiles, would you even think there would be something bothering him/her?
I have a personal story about one of my kids. "Happy go lucky" kind of kid that doesn't let anything get to her. Or so it seemed until tonight. My daughter was in a tough situation during her hockey season this year. Her coaches had upset her with things that were said and done. While on a road trip for a tournament, she had broke down and cried, told me a few things. I had promised her I would address them and that she should just enjoy the game and keep doing what she does. I had told her that I would deal with the coaches, and that she should just focus on playing the game she loves - as 10 year olds should do. And so she did, while leaving the coaches to me.
There were a few more incidents that she brought to my attention during the course of the year, and as any parent of a child that was being singled out, her concerns were voiced through me. After the second meeting, issues seemed to have been resolved and Jennah's smile had returned. What was behind that smile was not revealed until tonight.
While packing her school bag tonight, my daughter's bookmark fell out of her book. I saw it had something hand written on it. She had written: "If you show fear to a bully like Bernard …".
I asked her what that was about. She said she was reading a book and there was a pig named Bernard that was a bully. It reminded her of one of her coaches. She had written it out on her book mark as a reminder. She had wanted to show me earlier but forgot.
I asked to see the book. She brought it down and read the excerpt to me. It read "They don't love me, they respect me. If you show fear to a bully like Bernard, he'll jump all over you.".
THIS was her takeaway from this coach. Her takeaway was that she needed to stand up to a bully coach. It was at this moment that I realized how much damage this one coach has caused. For a child to even think of writing a reminder on her bookmark, think of how badly her psyche had been attacked. Do coaches/teachers/parents even realize how much of an impact they can have on a child? Do they not know that even the slightest shot at a kid's confidence or mindset could damage them for life? Whenever you are in a position of influence on a child, you have the ability to influence their life in a positive or negative manner. It's a choice that YOU get to make every day. Choose positive. Build on their positives. Let a child think about what you've done to help them in a positive manner. Do you really want to be the one that they look back at with a negative point of view? Do you want to be the person of influence that ruins a child's love for a sport, or even worse, their self confidence? Do you want to damage a kid for life? It's time for everyone to wake up. Check your ego, and think about how you can impact a child.
Now, this won't damage my kid for life. Not at all. She knows what this coach did was wrong. Whichever way you slice it, this was emotional bullying. He got inside her head. She also knows to come to her parents if this ever happens again, and let us know that someone has hurt her rather than keeping it inside and dealing with it in her own little way. I'm proud of her for being brave and trying to deal with it in the best way she thought possible, however I'm a bit upset that her fear of being bullied further prevented her from coming to me earlier. We'll have to have a little chat about that. ;)
As a parent, this has been heart wrenching, yet a learning experience. I'll be sure to ask my child more questions in the future, even when the smile says "everything is just fine".
Parents: Don't let your kid's smile fool you. That beautiful smile could very well be a mask for something that is hurting them.