Are You A Real Gentleman?


5 Ways You Can Be A Real Gentleman In A World Full Of Boys


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I keep hearing people proclaim the death of the gentleman. Everywhere I turn, I see overgrown boys speak to women in abominable ways. I see them playing manipulative games and emotionally punishing women like a pack of high school children.

I’ve seen these overgrown boys high-five their friends after spending a night with a woman, and then recount all the things she thought she shared with him and him alone.

I call them “overgrown boys” because they are not men; being a man is more than just mimicking the external features of manhood. Being a man means embodying the behaviors of one, of gracefully owning the calculating logic and flowing emotion that lives within us all.

In short, being a man is living in harmony with what you think and how you feel.

I will not delve into the superficial characteristics of a gentleman (such as holding doors and paying for dates), as the subject has been discussed at length. My interest is in the mindset of a modern gentleman: the class of Clooney; the fun-loving, go-getter attitude of a Branson; the seductive energy of Depp.

The Modern Gentleman is driven.

This is the single greatest flaw I see with men of my generation. When did it become cool to be in your mid-20s and have no vision?

Sure, you post motivational quotes on Facebook, along with pictures of what you consider to be the good life, but why are you spending your Friday and Saturday nights piss drunk or hungover?

What’s with the 4 am McDonalds runs? How productive are you after a night out?

Listen, it’s fine to let loose sometimes, but if this is your weekly routine, you need to reevaluate where you’re going. A man of passion is a man who will constantly strive to better the lives of the people he loves. Turn off “Game of Thrones” and get cracking.

The Modern Gentleman is composed.

I can’t believe the lack of maturity I’m seeing these days. From bragging about your sexual conquests to getting into arguments, to verbally lowering people around you to emotional outbursts at the wrong times. What the hell, man?

A gentleman is absolutely discreet, always composed and always in control. He does not let his emotions get the best of him.

Remember, it’s all about balance. Everyone has good days; everyone has bad days. What distinguishes you is your character on such days. When challenged, our lowest nature will drag us into the chaos with clenched fists, but ultimately, you lose.

You lose every time you react to someone who taunts you. You lose every time you brag to your friends for validation. You lose every time you argue with people you care about.

How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen. 

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

A Must Read For Fathers With Daughters


Fathers, grandfathers, uncles, or any type of father figures,  this one's for you …..


5 Regrets Every Father of a Daughter Will Face

NOVEMBER 22, 2014 BY JIMMY BURGESS 

These questions caused me to evaluate the father I am and have been. What will I regret if I don’t make some changes fast?

My soon-to-be 17-year-old daughter recently announced that she would like to preview some colleges she might like to attend. For some reason, this hit me deep in my soul. The tiny baby girl that had slept on my chest for days when we brought her home is actually going to be leaving soon. Memories of tea parties, elementary school plays, and cheerleading practices brought to mind some tough questions. What have I not done that I need to do? Will she look back on her childhood with positive memories? Have I prepared her enough for the challenges of life?

These questions caused me to evaluate the father I am and have been. What will I regret if I don’t make some changes fast?

Whether you have young daughters or grown daughters, we all have regrets. But you don’t have to carry them for a lifetime. They can be healed as long as you identify them and take action, no matter how old your daughter may be.

After asking a few other fathers what they wished they could go back and do differently, I found that most Dads share these 5 regrets.

They regret being too critical

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” was not written by a daughter speaking of her father. Daughters hang on every word their fathers say to them, whether it be encouraging or discouraging. The self-esteem (or lack thereof) you see in teenage girls is largely based on the approval (or lack thereof) from their fathers.

No matter what age your daughter might be, compliment her in some way today. You will never regret encouraging your daughter.

A friend of mine tells the story of her sister-in-law who is extremely bitter toward her father. This bitterness has been a part of her life for almost sixty years. She was slightly overweight when she was young and every so often, her father would make little comments about her weight. Not purposely mean, just subtle comments about how much food she was eating. This led to a lifetime of weight issues, bitterness and a relationship that has yet to be repaired.

Watch what you say to your daughter. Find a way to encourage her. Compliment her on something she does well. No matter what age your daughter might be, compliment her in some way today. You will never regret encouraging your daughter.

They regret treating them like a queen instead of like a princess

Do you know any households that revolve completely around the daughter? What she says goes. She begins to believe she is entitled to whatever she wants. This attitude carries over into adulthood.

I know a father who gave his daughter everything she wanted. He and his wife made her “queen” of the house. As the daughter became an adult she struggled. Her marriage failed in large part due to her husband never being able to satisfy her constant need for his complete attention and his inability to ever satisfy her desire for the next thing.

Fathers should treat their daughters like princesses, but not like queens. Leave room for her future husband to be her knight in shining armor. Instead of giving her things, give her instruction. Give her a heart to serve others. The best way to do this is to show her by your example. Take her along when you take a bag of groceries to a single mom. Take her along while you spend a day volunteering at a soup kitchen. Whatever you would like to see blossom in her, exhibit through your own choices. You will never regret modeling traits you desire her to have.

They regret not modeling the man they hope she will marry

Many young women marry men that are just like their fathers. Many times, their fathers are the only example they have seen of a husband. With that in mind, what they see is often what they will choose for themselves.

This is a scary thought for many of us. Would I be happy if my daughter married someone who had my traits (good and bad)? That is a tough question.

As my daughters grew, I began to realize the impact my example would have on the future husbands they choose. I believe with all my heart that my daughters will only accept being treated the way that they see me treat my wife. With that in mind, I try to treat my wife with the utmost respect. I try to encourage her to chase her passions. I try to help out around the house as much as possible. I try to support her in anything she does.

Daughters will not remember the things you give them, but they will never forget the times they spent with their fathers.

I do these things to be a better husband to my wife, but I also do these things to show my daughters what they should expect from their husband. I surely don’t always do it right, but I want them to see me doing my best. Are there any areas you need to evaluate in your life so that you can be the example of the husband you want for your daughter?

They regret not “dating” their daughters

Daughters will not remember the things you give them, but they will never forget the times they spent with their fathers. When our daughters were young, my wife encouraged me to take our daughters out individually on dates. Usually this involved taking them out to a restaurant. Sometimes it was other activities they enjoyed, like taking my teenage daughter to get a manicure and pedicure.

It is important for your daughter to see a man open doors for her and pull her chair out. Unless she is treated like a lady, she will not know when she is being treated improperly. Turn off the phone and fully engage with her. By doing so, you will build a bond that can last a lifetime.

No matter your daughter’s age, take her on a date.

They regret not having more physical contact

Daughters are physical creatures. Growing up with only a brother, I didn’t understand the strong desire daughters have for physical contact. I wish I had understood this earlier. For years, I only kissed and hugged my daughters occasionally. I never realized how important it was for them to just be held or hugged.

No matter how old your daughters are today, or how many mistakes you may have made in the past, you canimprove your relationship moving forward. 

The scary thing is that when young ladies don’t get this physical affection from their fathers, they often search for it in other places. This can lead to daughters finding affection in less-than-ideal places, and sometimes at earlier ages than fathers would hope.

Hold your daughter. I don’t care if she is 30 years old with daughters of her own. Embrace her. Make sure she knows how much she is loved and appreciated. You will never regret showing your daughter affection.

Live life without regrets

No matter how old your daughters are today, or how many mistakes you may have made in the past, you can improve your relationship moving forward. Take action. Text them a word of encouragement right now! Simply say you love them or whatever you need to say. Live with no regrets.